Ups and Downs

My life is incredibly interesting to live! I love it!!

Some major ups this week:

• Super-hacky-sack company picnic with some guys that are just impossible to over-appreciate! (wow, some people rock...)
• Watching movies on my iPod on the bus! (Catching up on non-family-friendly kung-fu action flicks)
• New team potential! (Oh, my, word... there is so much I can learn on this new team!!)
• Ultimate-frisbee-disco-funk-super-sushi bash! (EXCITING individuals that I really feel at home with)
• Grad school!

Some major downs:

I am REALLY far outside my comfort zone right now at work. Being the new guy on the team, I have a LOT of questions and suggestions regarding well-established processes. I haven no street credibility on this team so far. I could easily find myself where I was with my old team just two years ago... suggesting changes that later get implemented, but looking like an idiot in the meantime. (Not to mention suggesting changes that are indeed, idiotic.)

I updated my resume last month, then sent it out to be critiqued by some highly qualified individuals. They ALL suggested changes. None of the changes conflict (miraculous), but I am struggling to find the words... the eloquence to implement them. It's a harrowing experience and has left me banging my head on the keyboard (hence this blog entry as an escape from the writer's block).

I'm writing a "Personal Statement" for my graduate school application. It's one of those "Who are you? What do you bring to the table? Why should we teach you?" sort of things...

I graduated with a VERY poor GPA. It's below the minimum required for RIT's graduate programs, yet I'm still applying because I WANT TO IMPROVE. I feel this personal statement may be the gentle whisper that tips the scales towards acceptance, or denial.

In all three areas, I have extended myself beyond the realm of safety...

There is the potential for moderate acceptance and gratification but I feel it's overshadowed by the possibility of meaningful, bitter rejection both socially and professionaly. I never play the safe game, but at the moment, I'm tense... nervous. My ethos and pathos are in the pot and I'm not holding a single ace.

I have butterflies in my stomach! It's the same stage-fright feeling that used to overwhelm me before putting on a show, starting a juggling contract, or facing the Eagle Scout board of review...

The curtain came up and the house.. is.. FULL..